<!-- Begin
var howMany = 223
var quote = new Array(howMany+1)
quote[0]="Murphy's Law: The bigger the miracle, the smaller the audiance."
quote[1]="Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. (Albert Einstein 1879-1955)"
quote[2]="Bart de Graaff is de reden dat ik mijn donor-codicil nog niet heb ingevuld. (Raoul Heertje)"
quote[3]="Als het Vrouwendag is mag iedereen, net als op Dierendag een dier, een vrouw mee naar school nemen. (Raoul Heertje)"
quote[4]="Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
quote[5]="Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
quote[6]="Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back."
quote[7]="Half the people you know are below average."
quote[8]="99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
quote[9]="No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes."
quote[10]="A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house."
quote[11]="What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain? A widower."
quote[12]="A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
quote[13]="Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
quote[14]="Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."
quote[15]="On the back of my shirt when I'm riding my Harley, 'If you can read this, the bitch fell off!'"
quote[16]="Why be difficult, when, with a little effort you can be impossible."
quote[17]="I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
quote[18]="Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
quote[19]="I am not sure what this is, but an 'F' would only dignify it. -- English Professor"
quote[20]="Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her."
quote[21]="A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James"
quote[22]="Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
quote[23]="The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant."
quote[24]="Hey, this isn't my tagline ! Who put it here ?"
quote[25]="Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for 'doesn't work'. "
quote[26]="Beta: Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for 'still doesn't work'."
quote[27]="Default Directory: Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to."
quote[28]="Error message: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings. "
quote[29]="Help: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything."
quote[30]="Input/Output: Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk. "
quote[31]="Printer: A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. "
quote[32]="Reference manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg. "
quote[33]="Scheduled release date: A carefully calculated date determined by esitmating the actual shipping date and substracting six months from it. "
quote[34]="User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device of concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer. "
quote[35]="'To err is human. To really fuck up things requires a computer'"
quote[36]="'The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them to, not what you want them to'"
quote[37]="CALM DOWN! It's Only 1's and 0's "
quote[38]="C:/ FORMAT U: "
quote[39]="MS-DOS Just say No! "
quote[40]="OS/2 for PS/2 - Half an operating system for half a computer "
quote[41]="Unix is a very user-friendly system. It's just picky about who it's friendly with "
quote[42]="C Code; C Code Run; Run Code Run; Run Damn it Run! "
quote[43]="I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere "
quote[44]="Et Verbum Custodiat Tibi Vobiscum Sicut Erat in Principio! May your data be restored to its original pristine condition "
quote[45]="Windows and Icons and Mice Oh My! "
quote[46]="We're staying together for the sake of our Website "
quote[47]="(Windows symbol)...and this is your computer on drugs. Any Questions? "
quote[48]="Intel Where Quality is Job .99983 "
quote[49]="I am a Pentium of Borg. Division is Futile. You will be aproximated "
quote[50]="Happiness is seeing the photo of the guy who mis-installed your system files on a milk carton. "
quote[51]="Remember when Windows were washed, Mice were trapped, and Unix guarded the harem? "
quote[52]="C:\COFFEE.COM NOT FOUND REBOOT USER Y/N? "
quote[53]="Bad Command. Bad, Bad Command! Sit! Stay! "
quote[54]="I don't do (windows symbol) "
quote[55]="Not Tonight Dear, I Have A Modem "
quote[56]="Unix: Because reboots are for reformts. "
quote[57]="No, you didn't see a computer just like mine at the history museum last week! The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
quote[58]="If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside."
quote[59]="To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
quote[60]="Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
quote[61]="Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are."
quote[62]="The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it."
quote[63]="Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue."
quote[64]="An unbiased opinion is always absolutely valueless."
quote[65]="Did you write the words, or the lyrics?"
quote[66]="Either one of us, by himself, is expendable.  Both of us are not."
quote[67]="Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."
quote[68]="First secure an independent income, then practice virtue."
quote[69]="There's never a good time to score an own goal."
quote[70]="Those who think they know it all, often upset those of us who do."
quote[71]="You don't get once-in-a-lifetime offers like this every day."
quote[72]="Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way."
quote[73]="Computers run on faith, not electrons."
quote[74]="Everyone has his day, and some days last longer than others."
quote[75]="For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe."
quote[76]="Go on, be yourself!  There isn't anyone better qualified."
quote[77]="Have a nice day somewhere else."
quote[78]="I'm famous.  That's my job."
quote[79]="If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
quote[80]="In the long run, we are all dead."
quote[81]="It works better if you plug it in."
quote[82]="42? -- 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!"
quote[83]="Stupidity is NOT a handicap! Park elsewhere!"
quote[84]="There's 3 kinds of people - those who can count & those who can't"
quote[85]="If you wanna know the value of money, try to borrow some."
quote[86]="Light at end of tunnel will be out until further notice."
quote[87]="Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold, please?"
quote[88]="Anarchy is better than no government at all."
quote[89]="If I save time, when do I get it back ?"
quote[90]="People who kill people give guns a bad name"
quote[91]="If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help"
quote[92]="If it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it..."
quote[93]="I can't be overdrawn!  I still have cheques!"
quote[94]="The world is coming to an end. Please log off..."
quote[95]="If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out of it's nose?"
quote[96]="I don't GET headaches, I GIVE them!"
quote[97]="3 dreaded words when making love: 'Honey, I'm home...'"
quote[98]="So I'm not schizo anymore. But where am I now that I need me?"
quote[99]="My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
quote[100]="I've upped my standards. Now, up yours."
quote[101]="RELAX... It's only ones and zeros anyway."
quote[102]="Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
quote[103]="If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport"
quote[104]="Everyone is entitled to my opinion."
quote[105]="Talk is cheap since supply exceeds demand"
quote[106]="Jesus loves you.  Everyone else thinks you're an idiot."
quote[107]="Got kleptomania?  Take something for it!"
quote[108]="What makes Teflon stick to the pan?"
quote[109]="Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch?"
quote[110]="And Adam asked 'What's a headache?'"
quote[111]="To Be Or ... damn!  What was the question?"
quote[112]="I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem."
quote[113]="At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag."
quote[114]="Took an hour to bury the cat. Wouldn't stop moving!"
quote[115]="Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm."
quote[116]="Research:  noun - plural form of plagiarism."
quote[117]="Yep, you bet!   What was that you said?"
quote[118]="A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking."
quote[119]="Me, indecisive? I'm not so sure about that."
quote[120]="Press to test. Release to detonate."
quote[121]="Religion: myth-information."
quote[122]="Understatement of the century:'Hello everybody out there using minix - I'm doing a (free) operatingsystem (just a hobby, won't be big and professional like gnu) for386(486) AT clones'Linus Torvalds, august 1991."
quote[123]="On what conclusions do you base your facts?"
quote[124]="A job is nice but it interferes with my life."
quote[125]="Have you hugged an electric fence today?"
quote[126]="Funny, only sensible people agree with me."
quote[127]="I'm a natural blonde, so please speak slowly."
quote[128]="You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back!"
quote[129]="I started out with nothing. I still have most of it."
quote[130]="Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit."
quote[131]="A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong."
quote[132]="We got rid of our kids. The cats are allergic!"
quote[133]="We hired you to babysit. You cooked and ate them BOTH?"
quote[134]="Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark"
quote[135]="The nineteenth hole is always the best!"
quote[136]="Window Error:01F Reserved for future mistakes"
quote[137]="To get a loan you must prove you dont need one"
quote[138]="What were vices are now fashion."
quote[139]="As Brains x Beauty tends to infinity, so availability tends to zero."
quote[140]="Gravity:  Not just a good idea, it's the law."
quote[141]="Error 99 - CPU too tired to continue..."
quote[142]="Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations stall."
quote[143]="You can't fight City Hall.  But you can burn it down."
quote[144]="Don't drink beer while driving... Drink COKE!"
quote[145]="Save a tree, Eat a Beaver"
quote[146]="I smile because I have no idea what's going on"
quote[147]="I'm not weird, I'm gifted"
quote[148]="i souport publik edekasion"
quote[149]="Snatch a kiss, or vice versa"
quote[150]="If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast"
quote[151]="Gas, grass or ass... No one rides for free!"
quote[152]="If God is your co-pilot, Satan is my rear gunner"
quote[153]="You're the reason God gave us middle fingers"
quote[154]="Insured by Smith and Wesson"
quote[155]="Is it ignorance or is it apathy ? I don't know and I don't care"
quote[156]="Wife and Dog missing: Reward for Dog."
quote[157]="Appendectomy, Tonsillectomy, Slipadicktomy."
quote[158]="It's no good praying, if you die in this car your going straight to hell!"
quote[159]="He's dead, Jim. You get his tricorder, and I'll get his wallet."
quote[160]="If you think this is dirty- try a night with the driver."
quote[161]="Why can't I be rich instead of well hung."
quote[162]="Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down."
quote[163]="Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling to good myself."
quote[164]="Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
quote[165]="Don't like my driving ? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
quote[166]="On a little old lady's car: I'm not smiling at you, my vibrator's on high!"
quote[167]="Save the planet, kill yourself."
quote[168]="Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten."
quote[169]="P.E.T.A. people eating tasty animals."
quote[170]="Don't steal. The government doesn't like competition."
quote[171]="Teach masturbation."
quote[172]="The less hair I have, the more head I get."
quote[173]="Horn broken. Watch for finger."
quote[174]="Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot."
quote[175]="Cover me.  I'm changing lanes."
quote[176]="I brake for no apparent reason."
quote[177]="Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control."
quote[178]="I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
quote[179]="Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal."
quote[180]="He who laughs last thinks slowest."
quote[181]="It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
quote[182]="Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy."
quote[183]="I love cats...they taste just like chicken."
quote[184]="Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes."
quote[185]="'A man may fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame someone else.' - Knox Manning"
quote[186]="'The extra mile is never crowded.'"
quote[187]="Uit recent onderzoek is gebleken: Treinen rijden niet op tijd, maar op rails."
quote[188]="De misdaad is al georganiseerd. Nu de politie nog."
quote[189]="Van geld dat we niet hebben, kopen we dingen die we niet nodig hebben, om indruk te maken op mensen die we niet mogen."
quote[190]="Golfen is knikkeren voor rijke mensen die te lui zijn om te bukken."
quote[191]="De nieuwe loopbanen zijn inmiddels renbanen geworden."
quote[192]="Als je vindt dat tegenwoordig alles te snel gaat, moet je eens in de rij bij de apotheek gaan staan."
quote[193]="Het leven is als een neus, Je moet eruit halen wat erin zit."
quote[194]="Groen betekent onervaren en links staat voor onhandig. Waar staat groen-links dan voor?"
quote[195]="Bij IT-ers gaat alles automatisch, maar niets vanzelf."
quote[196]="Manager bij een peptalk: Afgelopen jaar stonden we aan de rand van de afgrond, maar sindsdien hebben we een grote stap voorwaarts gemaakt."
quote[197]="Niets is zo eerlijk verdeeld als het verstand. Iedereen denkt er genoeg van te hebben."
quote[198]="Er zijn mensen, die denken dat ze denken, maar dat denken ze alleen maar."
quote[199]="Dat er intelligente buitenaardse wezens bestaan, wordt feilloos bewezen door het feit dat ze nog geen contact met ons hebben opgenomen."
quote[200]="Leerstof: stof dat vrijkomt bij het afvegen van het schoolbord."
quote[201]="Windows is just a 32 bit extension of a 16 bit GUI on an 8 bit processor with a 4 bit instruction set by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
quote[202]="Windows XP 64 is just a 64 bit revision of a 32 bit extension of a 16 bit GUI on an 8 bit processor with a 4 bit instruction set by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
quote[203]="Where would you have gone today if Windows hadn't crashed?"
quote[204]="I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. --Tom Clancy"
quote[205]="You know 'that look' women get when they want sex?  Me neither. --Steve Martin"
quote[206]="Having sex is like playing bridge.  If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --Woody Allen"
quote[207]="Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --Rodney Dangerfield"
quote[208]="There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.  Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --Lynn Lavner"
quote[209]="Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --Matt Barry"
quote[210]="Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --Camille Paglia"
quote[211]="Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.  The other e eight are unimportant. --George Burns"
quote[212]="Women might be able to fake orgasms.  But men can fake whole relationships. --Sharon Stone"
quote[213]="My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading. --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)"
quote[214]="My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --Jack Nicholson"
quote[215]="Clinton lied.  A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)"
quote[216]="Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --Robin Williams"
quote[217]="Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. --Roseanne"
quote[218]="Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place. --Billy Crystal"
quote[219]="According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.  They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --Robert De Niro"
quote[220]="There's a new medical crisis.  Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.  They say they cause severe swelling.  So what's the problem? --Dustin Hoffman"
quote[221]="There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing.  Just show me somebody naked. --Jerry Seinfeld"
quote[222]="Instead of getting m married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --Rod Stewart"
quote[223]="See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. --Robin Williams"
function rndnumber(){
var randscript = -1
while (randscript < 0 || randscript > howMany || isNaN(randscript)){
randscript = parseInt(Math.random()*(howMany+1))
}
return randscript
}
quo = rndnumber()
quox = quote[quo]
document.write("&quot;" + quox + "&quot;")
//-->